Monday, January 16, 2017

broke + schön: a beauty secret / guide to look acceptable when you have no money

When I was a kid I thought by 25 I am going to be living in a two-story suburban house with a golden retriver, a charming husband and 2 kids. Reality is, I am in my mid 25, still live in a flatshare in the eastern part of Berlin and been thinking about a 34€ highlighter for the past 2 years without having the heart to actually but it. I mean with 34€ is a lot of money for a teeny tiny pot of glowing potion that makes you look like an angel sent from heaven -- I could get 3 months of my spotify subscription plus 4€ for a drunk falafel for the amount of money!

That being said, it's hard being already graduated from college and having expensive taste and high expectations in basically every single aspect of life when ur broke af.

How do I survive being broke and still faking my beaute you asked?

  • I take shower and wash my hair. This may sound stupid to even include this in some beauty article writing think piece thing, but man -I look the worst when my hair is greasy and no dry shampoo could ever save me. A classic wash makes me look like a brand new woman. I use the basic dove body wash, some deep repair shampoo in orange bottle and L'oreal hair mask instead of a conditioner because my hair is as damaged as me. Sad.

  • I plucked my eyebrows so they look somewhat okay.

  • Sometimes I bleached the hell out of my upper lip hair. Subtle difference but very notable boost to my confidence system.

  • I am almost blind and wear colored contacts so I could actually see the world and looking chic at the same time. Honestly it could be a pair of clear contacts too, but I'm already in too deep commitment of these grey lenses that I can not part ways and accept my normal boring dark brown eyes, at least for now.

  • Sometimes I put on face mask when I'm feeling like a fancy asian lady. It helps to keep my skin moisturized and plump.

  • I also sleep a lot. And I try to drink loads of water (especially at work) and I drink tea almost every day. I wish I could say things like, I swear by hot lemon water or other exotic detox liquid stuff but I haven't even touched my magic bullet blender in like 5 months. A good smoothie recipe though is banana, frozen kale and oat milk -it is tasty and kale is still heathy, right?

  • During winter time I like to take baths. Oh my god. Just the word 'bath' relaxes me. Lush bath bombs and bubble bars smell so good, but again, expensive. Any bubble bath things from the drugstores is normally good though. You can also put few drops of tea tree oil (I like the smell, though some people might find it kinda weird) for its anti-bacterial function or other essential oil of your choice.

  • Another tips to save on $$$ is to use multifunctional products; I use conditioner/hair mask to shave my legs, olive or coconut oil could be used to remove make up, to moisturize your skin and also you can lather your hair in them if you're feeling adventurous. Obviously the lists are endless and you can google 'beauty hacks' to explore your options. 

  • When all the beauty routine still not enough, make up comes to rescue! I have to be thankful for having an okay skin that doesn't really require a lot of cover up so I have stopped using foundation for few years now. Normally I would just clean and moisturize and then use concealer to brighten up my dark circles and sometimes the side of my nose. Then I would do my eyebrows. The trick is, you have to brush them so they look more naturell and also try to use the shade that match or slightly lighter than your hair color. After than I would do a cat eyes with my liquid liner (this makes the most difference, it opens up your eyes and makes you look 10000x prettier -but of course it takes time and practice to be happy with the result). When I'm running late or lazy though, I would just put on some mascara to my upper and bottom lashes. Then I'd put color on my cheeks to look alive and happier. 
  • This is basically what I do almost everyday after dragging myself out of bed / after brushing my teeth. I really do wish I could do some crazy make up tricks but this is tried, tested and true. It works and helps me look better than my original oogre face.

  • On top of that I also try to smell decent, like it's not beauty per se -but I mean what's the point of looking cute but smelly. I like to put some flowery oil to my damp hair, deo to my armpits and spritz body sprays to the back of my neck, ear and my wrists

  • I probably sound like a mad woman now, so I'll stop right here. Hope this is not too overwhelming because in my opinion this/my beauty regime is literally nothing compared to what I read on the internet or have heard from my friends. It is completely do-able and you wouldn't even need to take extra money from your almost non-existing digits in your saving account 
  • ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I really hope sincerely that no one remembers that I once made a stupid make up tutorial video and posted it all over my social media. Not shaming beauty bloggers or vloggers out there, it was just a bad video with no insights / informative input whatsoever of on applying make up, if anything it was more like 'look at me transforming myself from the -2 that I am to a solid 4 while complaining about patriarchy, capitalism and other world's woes'.

But, listen, I made the video because I actually do like all things beauty and make up like, you know, a lot of people out there.

Yes, I'm aware we are all beautiful and make-up and beauty standards are social-construct but there are times where I just wanna look like the best version of myself (whatever this means? I guess when I'm feeling most comfortable taking selfies?) and I love reading and keeping up with the beauty trends. However I lack in money and motivation to actually purchase and put serum, essence and whatever that is into my face. Like, I want to lay in bed and magically radiating glow from within. Since it's impossible, I'd like to put a bare minimum to somehow look presentable and I really want to share all these 'knowledge' to the interwebs and get back to writting, so hey I'm gonna be writting about all things beauty slash self care which you know eventually leads to #selflove AKA my 2017 goals.

Exciting stuffs! So see ya on the next post! (okay, nobody is even reading this but spam bots, right?)

Friday, January 13, 2017

giving up is hard to do
for i'd rather have some part of you
any part you are willing to give
i will take

to live with a 50% man

a half of you
still better a whole of my lone being

Wednesday, December 28, 2016


  • be the girl of my own dreams*~~
  • get a tattoo
  • move into a somewhat decent flat
  • make a website
  • write more
  • take more selfie - post more selfie
  • drink more water
  • get a working visa
  • vacation to spain/morroco/greece
  • more weekend trips
  • less FOMO

Monday, December 19, 2016

where the pizza: Best Pizza in Berlin

Do you sometimes find yourself pondering, 'where is the best pizza in berlin?' -because same.
The thought crossed my mind again last night, the same thought I have every night before I go to bed.

So I decided to take serious action by asking where is the best pizza in Berlin to people online.

Here is the list of best pizza in Berlin visualized on google maps (few places didn't make the cut because they were rated lower than 3.9 stars)

Feel free to share the map and add your favorite!

Sunday, October 23, 2016

NO means NO

I'm just listening to Jeff Buckley and rereading old conversation on Whatsapp (exciting sunday, I know). I had this conversation a few weeks a go. Backstory: I found out I got a job and celebrated by blind booking a holiday - being not blessed with good luck I got Düsseldorf. 
What I lack in luck I make up in being sneaky I guess, I decided to go to Amsterdam via Düsseldorf.
But because I got a night flight I still need to stay for a night in Düsseldorf anyway before going en route to Amsterdam. Being broke and the trip so last minute all the hostels are booked, I don't know anyone there, and I didn't feel like spending mad money to stay at a hotel (Probably should've done it #treatyoself) --soooo Couchsurfing was my last resort.
I got 3 guys saying I could crash at their place and decided to stay with this indonesian guy. Yes, because I'm indonesian. So probably easier to bond or whatever.
Ok long story short, he lives in a one room apartment. There was a bed and a couch. He insisted that I take the bed, I refused but he insisted and I was mad tired so I decided to take the bed.
He then complained about the couch being uncomfortable- which made me uncomfortable.
Then he asked if it was okay if he could sleep next to me. Dude. No.
I said I could just take the couch so he could sleep in bed. But he said he doesn't wanna be a bad host yada yada
And he would ask me again. He in fact asked probably over 10 times if he could just sleep next to me. He also tried to touch my arms, thighs when he told me to go back to bad.
Basically I didn't sleep at all. I got my phone in my hand because I was so scared. But because he was playing the nice guy / nice host I could not confront him. 
Of course I'm not stupid, I kept thinking to leave too. But that means I need to pack my stuffs and change my clothes and I thought it was a risky move :(
I know worse could've happened. 
But it IS NOT okay that I had to put up with this. Just because I'm staying over doesn't mean I owe you anything. I said no once and that should be clear enough. No means no.

The other day, a guy I used to see texted me saying he's in Berlin these days and wonder if he could see me again.
I politely declined saying I'm seeing someone at the moment so I don't think I should see him, and wished him to have a nice time in Berlin.
He insisted that the guy I'm seeing would never know and I should meet him. He even called me 'lil kitten'.
This of course was easier. I just blocked his number and he be gone.

Just feel like sharing bits of my stories. Of course this wouldn't change anything, but if I could get you to read this and think "wow women have to put up with this shit everyday. I better be nice and not creepy" that would be really cool

Although probably you would just blame me on going to stranger's place, stating it's my own fault and perhaps I post 'inviting' selfies on my social media etc -which quintessentially victim blaming and slut shaming me but that's okay I guess. That's just part of being a woman.

Monday, September 12, 2016

berlin diary #01

I graduated from university earlier this year. I know, what an exciting time! No more preparing presentation about sex tourism and discussing about Foucauldian discourse analysis, or essays on behavior in public place a la Goffman.
It's an amazing feeling to accomplish something that you thought you bound to fail. That lasted for a good 5 hours, it worn out and got replaced with this immense fear of your uncertain future.

I moved to Berlin now, like million of privileged 'millenials' (ugh I know, milleanials..) trying to find ourselves while clutching Clubmate under our armpit, sucking on rollies while navigating our way down Weserstrasse. It's been fun, an endless buffet of beard / tattoo / manbun combo, a never ending summer, girls who look like they belong on Tumblr, pale ales and Sterni, Instagram worthy arty bars slash art space, coffee, I could go on..


Deep inside I am constantly trying to distract myself of this unemployment, or loss of sense of direction.. funny how your future could not be located via Google Map.

I don't send mass application. Because I am a picky bastard. I know I couldn't afford to be picky. Last Thursday I attended an assessment center thinking this will be it.
Finally I can afford to live on my own at a cute little one room apartment, maybe in Neukölln or Prenzlauerberg (although let's be realistic, it's most probably Moabit or Wedding). Finally I can buy roses every few days, that YSL lipstick I always wanted and a flight home, Bali vacation. Anyway, I didn't get the job --which shattered my heart in million pieces. It's my fault though I got carried away.

You see a recruiting process is a like dating. We were sending email back and worth, even gotten to have a video chat, I had my expectations, I thought they were the one. I thought they'd want me too. Well they don't.

I am okay now though. Ok, who am I kidding, I'm still sad. They took the life I wanted. It was so close, I could almost taste it. But like a heart break, once you loved someone, you know that you will be able to love again. And maybe they're not the right one anyway. This is all for the best.
This is a bad metaphor, isn't it?

So yes, despite my colorful looking social media feeds, I am broke and hella unemployed. Hire me?